hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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