My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
