True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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