Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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