After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
