Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
