Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
