please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
