I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just google imaged poop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
