I just pynch a tree in the face
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
