I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
