I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
