i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are the jesus of drinking
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
