I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
