im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
