She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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