11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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