How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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