booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
