apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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