She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
