This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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