He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
