either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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