So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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