she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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