I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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