Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
