What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
