Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
