I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
