Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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