i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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