What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
