Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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