one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
