im drinking this country out of the recession.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
