Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You were trust falling into bushes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
