Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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