JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
