it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
