I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
