im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
