I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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