fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
