I feel great
I just peed on a car
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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