yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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