umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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