Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
