you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
