i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
