just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
