Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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